Wisdom for 900, please.

"The essence of being alive is most well contained in sadness or tragedy."

I wrote that in my journal earlier; I was talking a bit about it today.

There was an auction in my Area III class in which you bid upon the most important guaranteed traits:  Honesty, knowledge, love, travel, sex, material possessions, creativity.   You were given a theoretical $1000.

I chose to avoid Happiness because, ironically, lasting and free happiness would make me ultimately uncomfortable and depressed.  

Truly, I feel most alive when I'm really feeling something, and that tends to be tragedy or sadness in it's purest form.  If something is completely happy and cheery, I don't feel a connection with it.  I can't feel like it's real.

And as much as I love happiness, there is a delicate and powerful beauty in horrible things.

It is intricate and woven softly into all of our lives, sometimes with thick and messy strains splitting at the ends.  

My favorite are thin strings, fragile yet somehow strong with weight.  

Records, Names, Numbers

I need to write this down or I'll forget it, but the first night at GSE I checked my facebook.... and had 40 notifications, 1 message, and 6 bumper sticker requests. WTF. On good days I get like 3. What the fuxx0r.

Also, it has proven to be kind of strange here. I mean, I'm just not bonding with anyone. All I get is a name, where they're from, and what they're here for.

That is the format. I think I've said "Hello, I'm ___. I'm from ____. I'm here for ____." at the beginning of every single event. And no one remembers it either.

Is that really the depth I'm going to get here? Those things are secondary to me. I don't care about where you are from, or what your area of study is.

Who are you?

What do you really love to do? Do you think? Why, why do you think, what can you think about, what purpose does it serve?

Why do you enjoy your life; why don't you? What do you think is most important?

Have you found your "niche"? Do you believe that this "purpose" is what you live for?

Do you really think you're alive to serve some purpose for someone else?

Do you really believe in God?

Do you like who you've become..

Are you really alive..

And do you really care to know me too..?

Are you sure? Because I'm not.

"Gifts From the Past"

I don't believe that anyone really grows up. People do change with time, but mostly in response to their peers and that need to -belong-. As for me, I never grew out of my old kid's toys. Last Christmas I got a set of Legos alongside an iPod, and the year before that, a My Little Pony alongside a camera. My bookshelves have and always will hold room for both my past and present, from Legos to Vonnegut.

Entered for a scholarship contest, which I'd definitely like to win.

Please vote, maybe review.

I'd like to hear what you really think; don't feel like you have to say things you don't mean.